Hi! My name is Zero Suit Samus (or Samus for short), and I’m an energetic pitbull mix who needs some love. And I really mean that. I need a family who will cuddle with me because your penalty for not giving me cuddles is to hear the cry of my people. My foster dad says that based on my crying, I must have descended from pterodactyls, but that’s silly because pterodactyls don’t even like peanut butter. And I looove peanut butter. And treats. And strawberries. And watermelon. And anything, really. Honestly kid, if you give me your salad, I’ll eat it. Don’t want your broccoli? I’ll take care of your problem. See that toy? It’s in my stomach now. See that puke? Well, you can have your toy back.

Like all superdogs, I have an origin story: I ran across the highway and caused a 4-car pileup that I ended